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you can just comment “you two look nice” on a photo of 3 people. it’s free and legal

The longer you go without something,the more comfortable you become with it's absence. That especially goes for people too.

Dating someone who has never been loved properly takes a lot of patience.

i suddenly realized that i was never anyone's priority or favorite.

I'd like to date a man whose mother is already deceased. IYKYK.

Instead of a pizza party to boost morale, companies should hold Scholastic Book Fairs

I’ve decided to be a bitch, good luck

Looking for someone to play bongos on my ass. Tryouts are Monday. Pick a song I like.

I bet tomorrow I’ll magically want to do all the things I’ve been procrastinating on till now

I think Pamela Anderson looks peaceful. And *that* is beautiful.

I now understand why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour

my final act of love is never bothering you again.

I hate when I’m about to stop eating chips, then I hit a super salty one and suddenly I’m committed to 30 more

Sorry I'm late, I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

🔥 Big Mac French Toast 🔥🔥

Truth

A lot of problems come from not putting people in their place the first time they try you.

Cashier: "Would you like to donate $2 to end world hunger?" Me: "Holy shit, yes of course…I had no idea we were that close."