There has never been a pleasant sentence with the word fester in it.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather have a pizza than a dozen roses from you. #FoodBeforeDudes

Is there a word in any other language for ‘because you asked me, the answer left my head’? Like, someone asks you your favorite actor and the name Jason Momoa immediately leaves your brain.

Does anyone else have a video that they know would be their go-to if they were a big actor and had a crying scene to get the tears flowing? Mine is the BASTILLE music video with iCarley and the Golden Retriever Miranda Cosgrove #dogsarethebestpeople

Everyone under 40 watching the Chris Rock Special on Netflix right now #crickets #ChrisRock

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Apparently I’m just here for a long time, not a good time.

Me: I really want to take a trip My Bank Account: I strongly recommend it be a trip to work

My therapist calling their therapist the second I leave their office

Thinking of getting my Mom therapy for Mothers Day, a little passive aggressive but hey, like mother like daughter 💁🏼‍♀️ #MotherDay

2020: need a mask to go inside 2023: need a mask to go outside #nyc #smoke

When I said I like it rough, I didn’t mean my entire life

I just realized I more fully learned the Thriller dance via @JenniferGarnerr in 13 Going on 30 than from the actual music video 👯‍♀️ #30andflirtyandthriving

I used to think I was indecisive, now I’m not sure.

‘oh I know a spot’ *drops date off at therapy*

Is it still called trauma dumping if I like literally have nothing else to talk about 🙃

I’m aging like a fine avocado.

So like… are these helicopters hovering or drones right now in Hoboken?

Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Drinking Game: take a sip every time someone says triggered

I always subtract 10 pounds from my weight on the scale to account for boobs and hair. #girlmath