"We were hoping he'd be done after 20," say traumatised audience members #Drake Wireless Festival #onedance #hiphop All yo need to kno @ thebeginnersguides.net

Doesn't seem fair when the recipe actually included the words "big German sausage" #MasterChef #GreggWallace #BBC #Torode John Torode All the non-racist ingredients you need @ thebeginnersguides.net

But nothing about Trump is credible so - kerching! - nothing about him and Epstein's sex ring should be released. Result! #Trump #MAGA #Epstein #Bondi All they don't want you to read @ thebeginnersguides.net

They're less likely to be beer-swilling rotten-toothed racists? #farage #starmer #labour #reform All you need to cast your vote wisely @ thebeginnersguides.net

No shit, Sherlock! Thames Water 💧 @southernwater @envagency All the dirt you need dished @ thebeginnersguides.net

Maybe if Palestinian children died in school buses instead of being shot while queuing for water... Keir Starmer #Gaza #IDF #Labour All the hypocrisy you need @ thebeginnersguides.net

AKA rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic, giving Chernobyl a quick dust, and turning up the TV to drown out the noise on Krakatoa #Tories #Badenoch #Disaster #Pointless All you need to know @ thebeginnersguides.net

And how about a few quid on a non-Nazi haircut that he hasn't hacked himself in front of his mum and dad's bathroom mirror? #ReformUK #Farage #Finch #nazihairday All you need to know @ thebeginnersguides.net

He'll ban nursery rhymes next because he's named in "Nellie the Elephant" #Trump #MAGA #Epstein #Elephantintheroom All you need to know @ thebeginnersguides.net

Ooh, hello Palestine! Didn’t we meet here before the genocide started? #Gaza #Palestine #israel #Genocide All the stable doors you need to shut way after the horse has bolted @ thebeginnersguides.net

Apparently Dr Goebbels wasn't available #Starmer #Labour All the amoral propaganda you need @ thebeginnersguides.net

Israel is committing genocide in Gaza. It sounds inconceivable. But it’s the truth. Israel is taking deliberate, coordinated action to destroy the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip. Explicit statements by Israeli officials, combined with a consistent policy of destructive attacks

As opposed to that fake starvation we've been seeing for the last few months, obv #Trump #Gaza #Israel #Palestine #genocide All the real news you need, Donald @ thebeginnersguides.net

It went up and came back. It's from the country that invented the boomerang 🤷‍♂️ #Australia #space #rocket #NASA All the news to say g'day to @ thebeginnersguides.net

To learn never to bottom-button a waistcoat, wear diamonds before lunch, or stab your wife's lover in the back with the wrong knife #civilservice #whitehall #workingclass #msitopen All the top-hole info you need @ thebeginnersguides.net

Obv nonsense. Andrew doesn't bleed, has no recollection of meeting a Prince Harry, and was having a pizza at the time anyway #princeandrew #princeharry #meghan #royalfamily #HRH All the lies you need to know @ thebeginnersguides.net

In other news bears don't shit in the woods, the Pope isn't a Catholic, and RFK jr doesn't have an IQ of 3 Robert F. Kennedy Jr. | Commentary only #Trump #MAGA #mrna #vaccines #covid All the news RFK jr needs to read @ thebeginnersguides.net

'It was the other way around,' insists God #Badenoch #conservatives #tories All the prayers you need answering @ thebeginnersguides.net

Obv haven't finalised the torture chambers #China #Rayner #Labour All the info obtained under duress you need @ thebeginnersguides.net

Obv thought "homelessness minister" meant making people homeless #Labour #homelessness #rushanaraali All the eviction notices you need @ thebeginnersguides.net