While I was in prison, I was the food procurement clerk. It was my job to work with the first cook to design the daily food menu (a 6-week cycle) and then make sure the men were fed on a budget of $2.60 per person per day. The Best Xmas prison meal, a thread...

I’m spending this Christmas away from home. I know social media will be filled w/family pictures, but I miss my cat & I want to see your cat! If you see this tweet and you’re a cat owner the you are obligated in the terms & conditions of reading my tweets to reply w/a cat photo

SOMEONE LEFT. A FULL PLATE OF COOKIES. AND A GLASS OF MILK. RIGHT BY THE FIREPLACE FOR ME. I AM NOT KIDDING. WHAT A NIGHT

Big day for people who measure the size of a big boulder by a small boulder.

To the fans who ask what they can do to help “save the show”, you can watch us on Netflix I guess and fill out this x3: help.netflix.com/en/titlerequest

so i haven’t touched my grandmother laptop since her passing. her funeral is on saturday (which is her birthday). but for some reason today i decided to boot it up and play her save file.. i saw there was a family on there of an older woman and a young adult male.

so my mom (who hasn’t always understood what I do for work) read through all these comments and called me crying. Seriously thank you guys 😭

LFG! The UK rejected authoritarianism, and now it appears France has too. It’s our turn in November.

Too soon? Lol #TrumpAssasinationAttempt

Not too shabby, huh? Órale! 🥳✌️ #Duolingo #español

Country Life is NOT For Me! 😂 RxCKSTxR Comedy Voiceover

America, y’all can’t be for real. This shit again?!?

FUCK. ALL. Y’ALL. FR.

Look! I Redecorated! 😂 RxCKSTxR Comedy Voiceover!

Yoooo! Can’t believe this is how I learned the good news. 😆🥳🍾 Thanks The Official TED LASSO Store Richmond 🫶 Tedheads, assemble! LFGGG! #TedLasso #Believe

I just want to say to Paramount+/Showtime or whatever the fuck the name of the company is now: Go fuck yourselves. These motherfuckers just CANCELLED Dexter: Original Sin. No season 2 coming.

I'm begging you. Please don't let this end. Donate if you can spare even the smallest amount but at least repost. Thank you ❤️

Suicide. I'm choosing to be deliberately blunt and provocative in this post because it's necessary. Government, charities, football clubs are all pushing water up a hill in highlighting what is undoubtedly a major health crisis. You take a rope. You put it up in a garage or a

Reminds me of that time when FB, Instagram and WhatsApp were all *simultaneously* down and they AAAAAAALL rushed down here to see whats what, remember? That night was HILARIOUS fr. Ain’t nothing like a #Twitter banter. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣😂