"Then add baby... *flips the page* ...carrots!?"

RT if you tell your pets bye when you leave the house

Youre are crazy as fuck. May I sit here?

I'm in a stationery store and I swear to God I saw something move.

WCW That one that posts her tits daily That married woman I sext with The one that posts ass pics My backup sexting partner The blowjob fanatic The married women I pretend to love The one that Snapchats me nudes The woman that loves anal Guys, on twitter

My sex face is the same face I make when I find Doritos in my cabinet that I forget were there.

In order to properly lower your driver’s side window, you must first lower and raise the others.

homosexual court jester The timing of your tweet on my timeline can't be duplicated.

People that avoid other people on their lunch are my people

greatest soda: 18. you 17. can’t 16. possibly 15. rank 14. these 13. carbonated 12. beverages 11. because 10. they 9. all 8. taste 7. so 6. unique 5. and 4. have 3. different 2. flavors 1. Dr. Pepper

*Still Dre comes on at work* *every white guy goes nuts* *I'm embarrassed because of my race but still rap along to every single word*

If you're ever feeling bad about yourself, I once broke up with a girlfriend because I was too depressed to invest in the relationship and I said "I'm sorry. I hate myself right now" And she said "Not as much as I hate you" That shade has kept the sun out of my eyes for years

I avoided wearing clothes all day today, and I consider it to be my greatest accomplishment of the year.

I was trying to calm down my child when a relative laughed and gave me a 2/10 score in my attempts to stop her crying. I know it was only a joke and shit but fuck you. Fuck fucking you you useless fat cunt. I like to keep the peace between relatives so a tweet will do.

And he's a useless father himself. Fat, ugly, beer bellied bastard that would rather go to the bookies or the pub than look after his own kids. Fuck you.

Ok I'm done now. I've been hiding in their bathroom long enough. Oh one more thing, the cake I brought around for them to eat, he ate the cunt and chewed with his mouth open the cock sucking shit.

Does anyone know where this dress, worn by Kate Garraway can be bought from? (Can people tag her so she sees please)