“If you pick up your babies every time they cry they’ll always expect you to comfort them” Okay????? What’s the issue with that???

Cleaning your house without kids is not a break. Showering is not a break. Grocery shopping alone is not a break. It’s chores and basic hygiene but mothers are supposed to be grateful to do these things that literally everyone else does. And at some point, we just break...

inspire employees to make more of an effort by subtly letting them know just how easily they can be replaced

Amal @pholanthropist lmaoo i gotchu

"How about pizza?" Me: Yumm! Yes I want pizza! *hands me 'watermelon pizza'* Me: You know what, never mind. Biggest disappointment of my life

I'm sorry if I ever offended anyone using the wrong gif or anything. I've only been using Twitter with volume down and only just found out now that some things on Twitter indeed have sound 🤦

Okay, but why is it alright for dads to have a dad bod, but moms are expected to not have a mom bod? I mean those are the bods that literally went through a whole transformation.

The Oscars were yesterday? - A Parent Story 𝘜𝘯𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘗𝘢𝘸 𝘗𝘢𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭 𝘰𝘳 𝘗𝘦𝘱𝘱𝘢 𝘗𝘪𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘴

I'm just retweeting this again, because I hope someone does have an answer for me

Sorry I have to share. this made me laugh far too hard today!

Almost 2 keeps saying washing facer instead of face washer. And this is what it is called from now on.

Almost 2: My vacuum cleaner needs vegetables. Me: What does it need vegetables for? Almost 2: No, not vegetables! I mean blueberries. Blueberries empty! Me: Blueberries? Do you mean batteries? Almost 2: Yes! Batteries empty.

You can make cute lil mini lasagnas in muffin tins if you love overcomplicating stuff and also hate yourself.

Why is my TL full of ads today??? Every second tweet is a promotion...