Hearing disturbing rumors that some of these protestors on the picket line are professional actors

I stg you can tell someone to their face "I'm not available, I'm not looking for a relationship, I hate when people mistake my friendship for something more" and they will still turn around and be like "but that doesn't apply to me, though, right?"

I support the brand name change because I would rather people think I'm looking at pornography than using Twitter.

"THE ALIENS ARE A DISTRACTION" Ok well it wouldn't be if y'all could stop talking about something for which there are no conclusive answers as if it is some huge revelation

Hey so how do y'all get out of bed in the morning? Do you have someone help you or is it just pure force of will?

The self checkout at my local Ralph's no longer has a mute option and I'm devastated, disappointed, and offended.

I have what's known as depression. It's not just regular pression, it runs real deep.

PSA: If anyone wants to reach me, don't. Pretend I'm dead. Thanks.

Ugh I cannot believe this hurricane is delaying my instacart delivery from Erewhon. I need my keto seamoss detox.

If your event ad mentions that you are a "multisensory experience" I'm out because why in your one chance to capture my interest do you feel the selling point is something I get for free just by literally existing?

It's absolutely nuts to me that we let schools give really any sort of reprimand to children for being late to school as if they're 9 years old and driving themselves

I took a hot yoga class and it said "sweat level 2" and it was a 60 minute class with the thermostat set too 100-101 degrees which begs the question, how many levels are there??

Oh thank God y'all Dave & Buster's delivers

People who recycle are menaces and you cannot invite them into your home or they will just leave empty cans around your sink for you to deal with. Find my blue bin or throw it away, don't come to my place and leave me with chores.

Wowwww Elon Musk suspended Donkey Doug ( Mitch Narito 🇵🇭🇺🇲 ). That's my sign to walk. 🚶‍♀️

I'm just here because the other ones are down