~ Louis C.K Is the ending funny or am I r*tarded?

Texting “haha no worries!” with the rage of 1000 unpaid interns

Why does my brain randomly replay that one cringe thing I said in 2014 like it’s a highlight reel?

“You’ll regret that tattoo when you’re older”, well jokes on you, I regret it NOW.

I think I’m cool until I use slang and sound like a cop

If I ever get kidnapped, just know I’m annoying enough to be returned in 24 hours

I love passive aggressive email sign offs. “As previously mentioned” = read it again, fool

I went to the gym today!! To cancel my membership…

“Hey bro, do you play video games?” “Nah, I have sex with girls haha.”

Tried to count sheep but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories.

If I ever meet my sleep paralysis demon in public, we’re gonna have words. 😡 Right after I pee my pants

I said I’d just scroll for 5 minutes. That was 3 years ago.

Can’t sleep. Wondering if dinosaurs had best friends

SPF 0: the official sponsor of this event Just some humwns trying to become rotisserie chickens. When you try to tan but summon the fire god instead I can go on and on..

Please don’t follow your dreams if your dream is to call me before 9am

I’m not afraid of commitment. I’ve committed to bad decisions my whole life

I love when someone says “I had a dream about you” and then gets mad at me like I personally chose to be rude in their subconscious

I don’t cheat in relationships but I do pretend to sleep while people are cleaning

If I made a bomb I would make all the wire the same color 💣 Don’t put me on a watch list, this is clearly a joke..

Fluid dynamics art