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Just watched a documentary on medieval siege tactics. It was fort provoking. #LunchPun

I'm trying to organise a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are hard to find. #LunchPun

Priests can only listen to Big Spender and Goldfinger as they take a vow of Shirley Bassey.

Fatboy Slim went diving near Bangkok after finding a local guy to attach the ballast to his belt. Thai man tied weight for Norman.

Don't ask why I split dried fruit in two. I halve my raisins. #LunchPun

Which Pokémon is allergic to mountains? Peak atchoo!

Want to know more about unwelcoming friendship groups? Clique here for more details.

You can tell a Mafia boss by their firm handshake. #LunchPun

An urn containing Lassie's ashes is up for auction. Think it'll fetch much? Not anymore, no.

The best bank robbers perform at the heist level.

The local pub darts team is a well-aled machine. #LunchPun

My watch repair shop always opens at exactly 9am. Like clockwork? I bloody love it.

"Will a mouse run into my mouth if I put cheese on my tongue?", I wondered with baited breath.

My partner came home from JD Sports with the wrong number printed on my new football jersey, so I centre back. #LunchPun

I was given an important role at work. Fire Marshal. Big responsibility. Marshal now works at Greggs. #LunchPun

The sergeant told me to iron all the uniforms. Fatigues? Well it certainly makes your arms tired. #LunchPun

Kangaroos choose fish for dinner whenever they get the hopper tuna tea.

Achilles insisted he had no weaknesses and this was a heel he was willing to die on.

I used to date someone who put on boating parties. Row lake hoster? It was a bit up and down, yes. #LunchPun

I've added up all the scores. Did ya tally? No, with an abacus.