“We choose to go to the moon not because it is easy, but because I am hard” - horny JFK

waiting in line for a Coinstar machine rn so we’re definitely in a recession lol

Republicans are the abusive dad who beats the shit out of you and Democrats are the mom who says “I’m so sorry, this isn’t who he is” and you go “THIS IS EXACTLY WHO HE IS!” and they go “don’t yell at me, do you want me to bring your dad back?”

inflation's wild, my 7/11 now has a tray that says "leave a twenty, take a twenty"

my dude out here just outting Justin Jefferson as a bottom smh

finally some good news

"No Scrubs" is class warfare

rip king, hope you got your dick sucked consensually before you passed ❤️❤️❤️

petition to refer to the porn industry collectively as "pussywood"

Girls will have one sock on the floor and be like “omg my room is so messy 😩 “ and my floor is covered in spaghettio’s and I’m like “watch ur step lol”

Homeless guy had a sign that said “anything helps, even a smile.” So I gave him a smile. He used it to buy heroin :(

This is John Lennon’s face at the morgue at best

no one has messed with me since i posted this...kids, it pays to hit the gym 8 days a week

the wicked Witch couldnt touch water so she probably smelled like fucking shit

to raise money for relief this town should make shirts that say “lemme monteci-doez titties 👀“

This WOKE stuff is getting out of control!! They’re changing the name of G-Mail to G-Person!!! I guess it’s non-binary now!!!! I haven’t seen my kids in six year

Corporate Starbucks employees should not be allowed to work from home. If you make people wake up at 4 to make coffee you don’t get to work in your pajamas at 9.

america's got talons. it's just footage of eagles' feets for an hour. fun for the whole family NBC Entertainment

Calvin like "this is how much I'm betting on games this year"