boys be like "I'm so lonely I wish I had a gf I wish I had someone to love and hold and cuddle" and then when they finally get one ALL THEY DO is annoy her until she makes funny noises

do you ever cosplay the real you

A lot of people mistakenly think that the name "Big Ben" refers to the famous clock tower in London, when in fact, the name "Big Ben" specifically refers to the giant bell inside it. The tower itself is called "Big Ben's Monster".

babe I'll take you on a date you'll never forget *holds ur hand while walking through the lighting aisle at menards. there is a guy freestyling jazz piano somewhere*

why the fuck does every author seem to know what ozone smells like, as if it's this common thing that everyone smells all the time

I always hated it when I would draw unicorns in elementary school and some snot nosed brat would be like "uhm akshually unicorns don't have wings!!!!" like who are you, so wise in the ways of no fun allowed

predators be like: I'm just predating you before actually dating you

can't believe they sold me gay garlic

me as a police sketch artist to the crying victim describing the perpetrator: okay, yep, keep going *the entire time I am drawing the victim as an exaggerated, soyjak-esque caricature. I then turn the drawing around and show them* this is what you look like right now lol

how did it take me almost 26 years to learn that the moon is fucking upside down in the southern hemisphere I've literally been to the southern hemisphere 8 TIMES AND NEVER NOTICED I hate this

every biology teacher draws ATP with this shape

never judge a book by the content of its author's writings

every time I start thinking my cat loves me she actually just wants to gnaw on my headphone cord

any of y'all got this OC dynamic

I almost became an orthopedic surgeon but the last question on the final exam was "choose your favorite bone and you CAN'T say the dick" and I was stuck in decision paralysis until time was up

saw this HUGE beefy bald guy in a hot pink cutout tank top at the grocery store. bf said that he seems like he would shovel the entire meat shelf into his cart going "YEP!" in a deep voice OR do the same but in a fruity gay voice. And now I keep imagining both options as a couple

I will not live in the pod. I will not poop the bugs

me trying to understand cryptocurrency investment: imagine madoka magica