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Y’all still pull your luggage? 🤔🤭 amateurs. #lifehacks

When you hear your sibling lying in the other room after your mom just separated y’aII from fighting

Telling my kids this was Isaac Newton

10yr old me searching up “real ghost caught on tape” on youtube

My friend has been drunk texting my assistant so I printed his texts out and put them on a billboard

Giving college kids an extra long spring back when flights are $30 seems like a terrible way to contain a pandemic but I’ll worry about that in Cancún

Carrie Underwood: “he’s probably buying her fruity little drink ‘cause she can’t shoot whiskey 9 year old me: wow how embarrassing

The ability to “read the room” is an undervalued skill.

Fuck yes! Your wish is my command baby. ❤️

You really be at peace when you don’t care