Dear Filipinos, #Manananggal? What the ACTUAL FUCK??!!

“To seduce my wife bc she didn’t speak English” The #1 best reason for learning a foreign language. #GOAT

Brendon Urie made every other episode of #DrunkHistory look stone cold sober m.youtube.com/watch?v=zjmXSJ…

They mention booze in Harry Potter, but never the aftermath of drunken spell-casting?

Why do “love potions” always result in romantic love? Imagine slipping a familial love potion into the eggnog at xmas!

I don’t know how I expected jaguars to sound when they roared, but it was definitely not like this m.youtube.com/watch?v=SS53en…

*Excerpt from actual work email* “Sorry it took so long for a reply, things have been a little wild. I’ll explain more at the meeting, but it involves sewage, circuitry, & bees”

If workouts had a Yelp page, lunges would be SO fucked.

You think you’re “the biggest animal lover”? My 60yo neighbor hunted black widows at night w/a flashlight so their dog wouldn’t get bit or dosed w/pesticides.