I am one of Londons many phone thieves, but I do it so that people can get off their screens and embrace the beauty of everyday life.

huge weekend for voicenotes from me. the cynic becomes the yapper

some vital thoughts on the Club World Cup gq-magazine.co.uk/article/cole-p…

willing to spend a fortnight at Instagram HQ on a really quite reasonable dayrate just telling them everything that's wrong with the fucking UI as someone who looks at their stupid app every day. can someone make the call to get this done please

happy to be the new Masterchef host. happy to be either the evil one or the moron, you choose

i got a take coming about the Coldplay couple i just got to hit this horse corpse like ten to fifteen more times

refusing to have mental health today. they can't make me

He’s really seeing it like a beach ball at the moment, it’s like watching Joe Root since covid.

when people make a kissy sound at my dog in public i often say "for him or for me?". 100% laugh record on that jokette so far. except for today when i met a builder who REALLY didn't like it

some great trivia for The Inbetweeners Movie

caught you (from buckinghamshire) trying to do a manc accent at Oasis' wembley dates, but you just sounded like Greengrass from Heartbeat

staying at a mate's for a week and not successfully found one thing i've looked for in all the time i've been here. adding hours to my day. lightswitches, toothpaste. the plates were under the TV. feel like i'm in an indie horror game that Redditors say drove them actually mad

it is insane how good a writer John Saward is. we should all stop what we're doing and read every time he drops. this has stuck with me for days