Penguins are not your monogamy mascots!! They fuck! Around!!!!

it’s important to put on the simpsons at 6pm and make yourself a spag bol like a nostalgic freak

🎶 Chiquitita, can I change lanes? 🎶

it’s a beautiful time to be alive when mid conversation you realise one of you is talking about Tom Sandoval the the other is talking about Tom Wambsgans

she meant a lot to me

every shoe is a jazz shoe if you’re gay

the RBA is about to suggest we all do cold plunges

it’s so funny how long we believed that the pizzes and shids just dropped out of the plane ✈️

living with my brothers again has shown me that l the pass agg older sister is always within you. I’ve missed her.

Stepson of missing billionaire on Titanic submarine shares he attended Blink-182 concert: “It might be distateful being here but my family would want me to be at the blink-182 show”

I actually can’t get anything done till they find this submarine.

what if the unionised orcas heard about billionaires on the submersible

accountant: and do you have a receipt for that expense? me:

If you’d asked me what the most beautiful song in the world was in 2003 I would’ve said ‘behind blue eyes - Limp Bizkit’

I just want that fkn grimace shake smdh

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