WELP, it seems "My Vinyl Weighs A Ton" 🤣🥴🤠 Thank you for your service, IKEA Kallax 2014-2025 🙏🏻🕯️🕊️🪦

In "I'm apparently out of touch" News, I need a sledgehammer for a video shoot (guess which song lol 🔨) In my mind I figured what could a sledgehammer cost, $20? $30 adjusted for inflation? The appear to start at $64.99 for a mere 10-lb sledge 🤦🏻‍♂️🤣

Y'all (as in users of the internet, not y'all, as in my peoples) will believe ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGG to be factual news if it just has a GRAPHIC ATTACHED. Easily disprovable claim + basic Canva graphic 🤝🏻 You sharing it like it's something that actually happened.

1) Artist's Monthly Listeners will always spike upward when they drop a new album (because their subscribers have been notified) & then go back down in the months that follow. 2) The airplane glue you have to be snorting lines of to call 30M monthly listeners "falling off" 🙄

As a kid who could not pass the Presidential Fitness Test because I couldn't do pull-ups... * I would love to see President Donald J. Trump try to pass the Presidential Fitness Test * Also fuck the Presidential Fitness Test.

Because y'all will never, ever criticize the deeply evil people on the Right the same way you tear down your fellow Leftys for not being Lefty enough about 1 issue out of 100. Then your movement self-cannibalizes. Signed, A Radical Lefty & the Author of "Plant-Based Libtard"

Can't reply to every message I receive, but I appreciate them all!! 🥴 #JakeItTillYouMakeIt

We have GOT to stop allowing people on this app to attempt to understand music industry metrics. This never, ever goes well. Drop album with biggest hit of the year- Number go big! An entire year passes - Number returns to where it was before.

Peaceful Journey to Hitman Howie Tee 🙏🏻

People say, “if you’re not using AI to write, you’ll be left behind!” meanwhile study after study has shown severe and immediate cognitive decline in those who use it regularly. I’m still capable of reading and have a functioning brain, so who’s really being left behind here?

Sir Topham Hatt Type Beat

Wednesday! Free show in Jersey City, NJ - at the Grove Street PATH Plaza

You become so free once you realize the first 50 blue check replies under a tweet are all AI generated to get you to become upset. None of them are real people.

Every 8-12 months, the "d0nT dr0P aLbUMs, oNLy dr0P siNGLeS" thing comes back around. This theory is always pushed by people who have experienced success with neither.

Just feed your audience Cheez-its forever. Just give them snacks indefinitely & never provide substance or feed them an actual meal. You must wait until you're "big enough" to be worthy of compiling 12 thematically congruent songs together, which could be forever. 🙄🤡

Gang, I'm always vulnerable & honest with you & today is no different. You've seen "Team America: World Police" haven't you? Well, I really need a Montage at the moment & I'd appreciate your prayers that the music will start, & a Montage begins soon 🙏🏻 youtu.be/pFrMLRQIT_k?si…

Imagine telling an artist - from Griselda to Gucci Mane - who prolificly releases projects to a rabid fan-base, often selling 10's of thousands of them at a time, direct-to-consumer, that they should "focus on singles"