Got trapped in a monsoon on my bike going over the bridge tonight. So I stopped at a bodega and bought a WaPo, NY Times, and USA Today. All the news that’s fit to print DOES serve a purpose. I can always rely on them to sop the water out of my boots.

Why do adults hang large stuffed animals from keychains on their backpacks? What is this trend?

Have women met themselves?

Remember in 2020 when you couldn’t say Covid came from a lab? (It did) Goodnight!

I just received a call from Mamdani’s campaign. Tell me why or how they have my private phone number? I have never donated to any New York Democrat. Please take your fake accents and socialism and go piss up a rope. ✌️

The last thing seen through the porthole window before the Titan imploded

NEW: The mystery of the disappearing court packers. For four years, "nonpartisan" ethics experts assured us that expanding the Supreme Court by four seats was the only way to save Democracy. Then they vanished. Where did they go, any why? I investigated.

Walking your dog around the neighborhood and passing a junkie getting his fix is truly the pinnacle of New York Shitty living.

Grok is insane

Anyone remember what DC looked like for the 2021 inauguration?

I live in a city of retards

Let’s be honest that when women compete with each other over who has the most instagram-perfect wedding it’s really just communicating sexual prowess.

Can everyone stop dragging Grok into their Twitter fights. Stop asking a robot to be your referee.

Libs love crime especially when it’s on your dime.

Randi’s new book is so hot it might self-immolate and then who is she gonna blame

Every American should want this.

Rise and shine, New York City.

Americans should be grateful they can go to a ballot box and vote. Don’t be lazy about it. No one is “making it harder” for you to vote or “taking away your voting rights.” Mass mail in voting is begging for fraud.

Hear this a lot too: But mail in voting is SO EASY why would I vote any other way? Nothing about Democracy is easy And if you’re not fighting a vicious war like generations did to uphold democracy, the least you can do is quit bitching and go stand in line once every 4 years.

Got an email from Ticketmaster and for half a second thought they were trying to sell me tickets to see Gavin Newsom