“you’re soooo funnyyy” thanks they used to put my desk in the hallway

Can we also go back to using the old HBO Max app that worked 1000x better than the new one. Please

The 2 hours online immediately after a playoff win is my drug of choice

hydra Kony! Haha, what a time to be alive. Two thousand twelve was the last time I ate shrimp and grits from my favorite restaurant. They closed later that year. I wake up at night, screaming, wishing I could taste those hot savory grits once more. I will never be happy again

Work from home guy who’s late every day

Maria Sweet Meteor O'Death white boy summer solstice

🌩️ Rashard Lewis when you really get down to it

That "if necessary" asterisk

Making a list and putting "make a list" at the top for an easy ✅

He performed the miracle over the Mojave is what he did. he bravely saved 150 lives that day, and in this house Nathan Fielder is a HERO

Slipping the anesthesiologist a twenty and asking them to keep me under for a few weeks

I know this ain't the same work day my coworkers are going to. No way

I don't want hank hill to get old

who up facing a wide array of strange circumstances

You dirty boundary respecter

I should call her

Love me a rascally bitch

I gotta run back to my other Internet and grab some stuff quick one sec

sippin on lukewarm tequila cause fuck ice