wearing a power trip shirt at the gym but lifting to PinkPantheress

drinking a chai latte and contemplating every single decision i’ve ever made in my life! happy monday!

y’all heard this?

One thing about me is I’m gunna put some egg white in a cocktail

Dudes will ask if they can send you nut vids with sound but won’t like your ig posts

just walked past a guy talking on the phone and wearing the biggest pair of pants ive seen since the 1990s and heard him say "yeah im wearing them right now"

planet fitness at 5 pm is my literal nightmare. i will bomb this place

Another day, another $15 salad from central market

God bless Jimmy’s Food Store 🙏🏼

Nothing quite like looking at the way someone else has loaded the dishwasher to remind you that the mind of another is truly unknowable

I will only communicate via voice memo or FaceTime and you’re just going to have to accept that

sleepy joe you’ve got two months. go crazy. eliminate all student debt. legalize marijuana. make tampons and condoms free. ban cybertrucks. shit in the oval office’s air vent. kidnap barron. the world is your oyster buddy

“I voted for him for cheap groceries”

*scrolling hinge* I don’t want to do this shit bro, I just want fine shyt to admit he’s in love with me bro

Talkin’ bout dang ol’ finally

I simply cannot imagine dining at a restaurant and just completely ignoring a waitstaff that approached my table. Making eye contact, then just going about my conversation as if that person didn’t exist or need my attention for something

Need Leeway’s Desperate measures on vinyl

Rip Eddie