with the utmost respect — remember when people were starting tie dye sweatsuit businesses during quarantine

when the shoplifting shroud beeps when i did not shoplift, the least i can do is keep walking and never look back. i will not dignify it with a response

i love rejecting cookies on websites…. “we use these to effectively run our site”how about you stop freeloading off me

HERE’S THE PLAN: If we feed Biden a 5 Hour Energy every 5 hours for 19,710 hours, it will get him through a second term. But we need YOUR help to afford them. $$ 700% match to your donation TONIGHT!! Dem Congress Text FUCK to donate

Me in middle school:

him posting a pic of his hospital bracelet on his ig story later with the caption “crazy day”

urgent how

park that car drop that phone follow that car GO GO GO HE WENT THAT-A-WAY

“this transaction will have a .85 debit fee added. is this ok?” i’m not sure what choice i have. fuckin i guess

stocks? well stocks are like dads. i don’t quite understand what’s going on with them, but it seems like when something bad happens to them, it kinda ends up ruining my life too somehow 😂

in project 2025 they want to make it illegal for boys to be the little spoon

spotify QUIT turning on smart shuffle and kick the hubris while you’re at it. you don’t know my playlist like I know my playlist

“i hope this email finds you-” great. your email found me. i was hiding in a really good spot and your email found me. hope you’re happy

when they send you the sample election ballot it’s like “ok now let’s do a silly one”

yeah i believe in the two-party system…. two parties in one night!! bumpin that lol im just kidding of course

The Chicago 3 window living rooms actually give me an indescribable pain in my heart that makes me want to jump off a 200 story building Everytime I see one. Like do u know the memories that get made in these spaces

it’s simple as 1234. 1 cigarette, shared amongst 2-3 friends, after 4 drinks

i was holding space for the lyrics of defying gravity in 10th grade when i found out i had to wait an extra six months to get my license because i took drivers ed online then made my facebook status “i’m through accepting limits cuz someone says they’re so”

can we go somewhere with a pet friendly patio? so i can bring my dire wolf ?

every time someone asks me about my dislike and refusal to use AI, i send them this.