been spending too much time with my dog all i do is eat and lay around all day

Politely declining bad news from now on

introducing feef to jerry springer

when there’s a fight going on

one thing about me, i’m always gonna commit to the bit

Jon Gabriel Birds aren’t real, and bourbon tastes terrible.

195 Days Until #Halloween 🎃

i forgot how to read this is fucking awful

I’m here for anarchy and cute animals.

fee soccer practice featuring a stick for a snack

All of you with kids, which I guess is most of you, have a lot more material than I do. So instead I write about interesting things.

Feels

Budweiser premiers new ad campaign featuring people setting bald eagles on fire

do you leave the tv on for your cat or dog when you leave the house or are you worse than Hitler

cheesecakes

Staring contest (I won)

If you pack foods that taste better with a hint of lemon, the ants won’t infest your romantic picnic, they’ll enhance it.

We're all our own special kind of neurotic. I think that's groovy.