Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it's best to just kill yourself.

I once flicked my hair so flawlessly that a man exploded.

Therapist: Tell me how you interact with a man if he seems interested in you. Me: *plays dead*

Liam: [sadly] "Guys, It's time we broke up" [Harry, Niall & Louis nod in agreement] [they try to leave but all walk in the same direction]

Pumpkin spice Xanax for seasonal depression.

My spirit animal is an Arctic Monkey.

Netflix and panic attack?

I assert dominance on a first date by claiming to be celibate but then inserting innuendo into everything I say.

When a werewolf tries to eat me I will just show him my jean jacket and he will become my boyfriend probably.

LOL but really... #AHSHotel

Squad goals 😍

You can raise awareness but you can't stop it from seriously going off the rails in its twenties.

Can't deal with the moodswings🙅🏼

Me: It's so stupid that this is Zombie Preparedness Month Wife: I'm glad you finally grew up Me: Zombie preparedness should be year-round

She raises the glass, light reflecting from below its rim, condensation glistening, chilled rosé wine shimmering within. Now is the time.

Why do you look so scared? It's just a barbie head collection. I've got thousands of them. Here, smell this one...

I'm a cat lady, my father was a cat lady, and his father was a cat lady.

I'm not going to wait around for you all day. It will probably be most of the day and all of the night.

Olive you.