“play stupid games, win stupid prizes” bold of you to assume i am winning the stupid games

me dissociating in the middle of a conversation:

“We see you ordered fried rice. What if you added 1 gallon of tea and a personal stroker” like planning my night for me

Hey bro can you pause the movie real quick? I have to pee and smoke weed and do the dishes. I also have to run to the gas station for a six pack and walk the dog

Shit fucked up right now E

You're a fucking weirdo 😂😂

Just got fired from the Gambling Hotline for helping this guy cook up a fucking wicked 15 leg parlay

When i put 3 bands on Goliath and he lose to a midget

your unemployed friend on a thursday:

My life

He played a racist plantation owner in Django, scammer in catch me if you can, mental patient thinking he’s a cop in shutter island, Wall Street scammer, lovesick rich party thrower in gatsby, thief in inception, ima run out of room where has he played the same ?😭

sorry i act so weird it’s just i didn’t expect to live this long so i didn’t learn social skills or anything

Common cold would run through that bitch like a tomb raider omg

White people the moment they hear Turn Down for What

Accepting girlfriend applications btw

BASED SAVAGE “I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME BACK HERE DIDNT I” nigga exiled him 😭