No funny crouching man this week because sick. I substitute art for picture of my dog. Her name is Bilbo and she is stupid ugly stupid idiot stupid.

I took Gina out berry picking with me today. The little rascal ate a handful of raspberries and about 6 squirrels.

Jennifer has been charged with arson and destruction of government property after she set fire to a police cruiser in the parking lot of her local Pizza Hut. She is utterly remorseless because she is, in fact, a clam.

The vile wizard turned me into a slug. I’m not hating it. I can eat as much dirt as I want without getting a bad tummy, and I can stick to more surfaces. Yet to see a downside tbh.

Maurice ate two dozen oysters at the seafood buffet and threw up on the carpet. We both refuse to clean it up. It is festering.

I hate making serious posts but I’m in a bit of a pickle and it can’t hurt to ask. Please know I won’t be making a habit of posting like this, and I’ll be back to my regular content soon! Sharing this post is hugely appreciated. ko-fi.com/crabcreatures

I've had this set aside for a while but I'm finally starting on this dubious creature Crab Creatures

Paul is becoming more silly each day. Yesterday he pulled out of our driveway in his Ford Taurus and didn’t even realise he had reversed over my infant son.

Dillon has finally started to shed his mortal shell. As per tradition, his skin will be consumed by his younger siblings so that they, too, might grow strong and sprout ☺️.

Blasted creature sprayed me with the poison ink. Vile little squid. Rancid little sea slug. Naturally, I am very upset.

Today we celebrate Ashley’s Quinceanera. Celebrate immediately. Quickly.

I must have whipped about 9 of these things to death with my belt just this morning. They weren’t bothering me but they are probably evil because I currently do not feel any remorse.

I caught Hogly doing what the youths describe as the “Fent Lean”. I don’t know what that means but I hit him with a stick anyway. I am sick of these children and their new trends.

Remnants Statue of the Oink Lord. 3DModel by CrabCreatures (Twitter/3DCults), painted by me. Wanted to do something quick and fun

Sticky lost my rarest, most valuable toad, the elusive Rhodesian Blue Foot. Naturally, he will be spending the next 13 months in The Circle of Torment. If you are interested in becoming my new Toad Keeper, please submit your toad portfolio below.

Brian kept saying “I am walking over here” in an unacceptable Italian-American accent, so I cast the fungus spell on him. The fungus spell is quickly becoming one of my top 5 spells.