We’re all clear of the tornados here in my neck of the woods. Be safe, y’all! #OKWX

Lincoln being just an absolute vibe

Make country music tragic again! No more songs about meeting the love of your life! and your summer float trip! i want to hear about your devastating divorce and your daughters pill addiction. i want to hear about a mysterious stranger burying talismans in your corn fields.

stranger: is this snake poisonous? us: nah fam, stranger: *picks up snake, gets bitten, starts foaming at the mouth* us: it’s venomous tho

THE TAMALE LADY CAME BY MY WORK I REPEAT TAMALE LADY IS IN THE HOUSE

oh my god someone gave my six year old a harmonica

just overheard my six year old say: “His name is Owen, but we call him Funny George Laughington”

🫠🫠🫠 #MyTwitterAnniversary

having a six year old is like living in a frat house.

oh my god

THANK YOU AL GORES INTERNET

Literally me

I am forced to go to the human mall today, and I am questioning every single life choice that has led me to this point.

See you soon! 🤩🤩🤩

Face painting with my favorite!

is it illegal to have a halloween party on a sunday

i am accidentally at target at the same time as the youths please help

retrofitted a disco 🪩 ball motor to make a self stirring cauldron #SpookySeason #WitchesOnly

when your 84 year old neighbor understands the assignment.

words cannot explain how unhinged I have become for my child’s Halloween party. it is…. Even by my standards….outrageous