My gf called me lazy. I wanted to say something but that would’ve taken too much effort

Sneezing rn is equivalent to taking a gun out and shooting into the air

This Saturday night in Lakeway, come check out comedy featuring comics from Austin, LA and Chicago - @comedianmarty Avery Brooks Jeff Stone Cisco Rincon Matt Jones Mohammed Abbed Hosted by Chris Castles & S'SuperMeowy 💎🎧 #livecomedy #Austincomedy

Harry and Meghan joke

I speak English good

R.I.P. in advance to anyone who got the J&J vaccine

Check out my new landing page ciscorincon.kit.com/emailist

Voted for Donald J. Trump so I could get a free flight back to South America #savings #winning #Immigrants

“Still here” ~ herpes

“Happy Valentine’s. I’ll be seeing you soon.” ~Herpes

New cellmate. Serial killer. Knife on the floor. Stab—cake. Netflix execs walk in.

Disney’s Latina remake of The Little Mermaid—The Little Maid

This year, I’m spending Valentine’s with my ex…’s chlamydia

I used to blame alcohol for my bad decisions. Now that I’m sober, I realize… I’m just a piece of sh*t

Just found out that in the US, you need consent in marriage… filing for divorce.

Every Thursday! Check out "Comedy Night! @ Cabana Club, Austin, TX" eventbrite.com/cc/comedy-nigh… Eventbrite Help

I put my peloton in the shower to train for a rainy day

I knew my dog was my best friend when he started sleeping with my wife