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Disney adults need to be thrown into volcanoes.

I’m a 40 year old man, I don’t care about making new friends.

Another day, another "fuck all this shit"

I’m not ready to be an adult anymore.

"Timing is everything"

You'd really hope something would kick in in your 40s, but nope

Catch me on the beach, looking like Brad Pitt with Down syndrome

Caitlin Clark did my taxes

But those are tactical jorts baby

Hindu Kush

white people be like i need some tactical gear

the b*tch n*gga era is OVER……

My neighbour texted me this morning to ask if I was having morning sex on the back deck. I had to explain the guttural grunting noises she heard was just me trying to get up from my Adirondack chair without spilling my coffee.

I wish they woulda pulled up the billboard stats right there so he could see how stupid he fucking looks

hug y'all ex tight because mine really done with me this time

open.spotify.com/track/3g5zyvSY…

Diarrhea at night, sailors delight. Diarrhea in the morning, sailor take warning

If I worked in a morgue, you bet your ass one of those drawers for dead bodies would be filled with snacks

Just punched you a heart-shaped hole in the wall. Please respond