I have an urgent message for the public: if you order anything from my store and attempt to attach a gift receipt, I will not be including it in the package. You have no choice but to accept this, no I will not explain further

Just got chipotle and saw two girls looking at me while I was in line. In an act of self defense I bared my teeth like an ape, pictured below, and they backed off. I’m glad I was able to keep myself safe.

Just finished my first year of law school. Only two more and the Bar exam before I sue Chuck for slander

If anyone was curious, working at a law firm is actually just like an episode of suits

Just put my two weeks in at target so pretty soon I’ll just have an excessive collection of red shirts and nothing to do with them

There are no men like me

Do you guys think this ad is targeted towards anyone in particular?

My uncle has gotten drunk at dinner and keeps repeating the same question. “What happened to Alvin and the Chipmunks?” And I don’t know how to help him

Just finished my second year of law school. Only one more and the Bar exam before I sue Chuck for slander and at least 7 years of defamation

Madison is graduating college! Which would be much cooler if I hadn’t already done it THREE years ago

I have exactly 8 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days until I am done with law school. 7 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days if you include breaks. But who’s counting.

Just finished my fifth semester of law school, only one more and the bar exam before I sue Chuck for at least 8 years of slander and defamation

Just finished my last semester of law school. Only the Bar now before it’s wraps for Chuck

Just passed the bar. It is officially curtains for Chuck