Being suicidal and suffering from trauma.
Is fucking exhausting.
The end..

From last Sunday morning...

Sunday Morning Thoughts from our little house in the Como Lake Neighborhood, Saint Paul, MN...

Existential Crisis.

I gave one of my talks this last Thursday. Usually when I have one of these presentations it brings up some old feelings. Which in…

I'm 44 followers away from 7,000. If you would have told me when I first started telling my story of #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #CSA I would 1 day have this many people interested in knowing more about what happened on the #DinkelFamilyFarms in Central Minnesota, I wouldn't have…

#birthperps

Over & over again to former family members ( #birthperps ) & former friends I've had to 'prove' I'm not lying about George Otremba & #ChildhoodSexualAbuse ...even though he was convicted of Criminal Sexual touching of a 10yo years later. This is why more #Survivors do not speak out.

It takes tremendous courage to face your trauma and do the hard work to heal yourself. Don't doubt the healing you've done, because healing is not linear and sometimes you keep revisiting the same trauma, each time at a deeper level or each time at a different wound.

Abusers get to go live life, while the abused suffer in silence.
Carrying shame that doesn’t belong to them.
While the world tells us about forgiveness and how we must forgive our abusers, because without forgiveness we will not heal.
Stick your forgiveness kindly fuckoff.

So much positive feedback on my presentation yesterday at the MnATSA Conference. #ThankYou to the attendees & Thank you to the Minnesota Association for the Treatment & Prevention of Sexual Abuse Conference Planners for including this #Survivors story. #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #CSA

I am speaking at 27th MnATSA Conference. Please check out my talk if you're attending the event! - via #Whova event app

My oldest brother claims to have found condoms in our parent's bedroom before some of us younger kids were born. He says it's proof the younger kids weren't wanted.

No doubt my parents had too many children. My mother gave birth to 12.

Leaving now wouldn't make things right.

I was often reminded as a child how expensive I was compared to the other 10 children. I remember 1 time in particular mother & I were sitting in the ER...she cried while telling me how angry my father was going to be...I was 11...I had a broken collar bone.
#ChildhoodTrauma

When someone tells you about their traumatic experience, it usually means that they feel safe around you, they trust that you won't use their trauma against them, they feel deeply connected to you, and they want to lift the veil and let you see and understand who they really are.

I love this one's wisdom...

I understand there is context surrounding all of times I've failed.
What I don't understand is why didn't they love the boy I was enough to protect him...even after he begged them...

#ChildhoodSexualAbuse #CSA
#SexualAssault
#familytoo
#birthperps

One of the worst part about suffering child abuse is..
My ability to trust no longer exists.
I question everything and everyone.

The struggle is real.
Anyone else relate.

Somewhere along the line I lost momentum on this app.
Either my posts became stale or stupid OR something else happened I'm not aware of. I'm still #SurvivingCSA . Still #Sober . Still #Healing but I'm doing it with fewer supporters on here. #ChildhoodSexualAbuse
#RecoveryPosse 🤔

I'm not good at many things. However, I do try to keep healthy and I do manage to stay #sober . Thursday Rowing ✔️
#exercise
#RecoveryPosse

If my former older family members the #birthperps would have told the world they were sexually abused as children..I would have reached out to them with compassion & empathy.
They however felt it necessary to try to silence me with threats of legal action.
#ChildhoodSexualAbuse