Drop in spots to comics you would never actually book, you mean pitty sets?

something to take the edge off

Before anyone asks, yes it me playing Johnny Depp in the Tubi Original film Hot Take: The Depp/Heard Trial

Swingers with nice butts, you mean pineapple upside down cakes?

hey (with the intention of having soup with you)

baby jesus? you mean fetus christ

Gf threw a party so you know I had to wear my good shirt

Me, whenever I get dumped

Girl are you a Monet painting? ‘Cause I want to cover you in mashed potatoes

*Anti-Hero remix plays* Me and the boys

I'm back at Banded Oak late night comedy tonight, Friday December 9, 2022 9PM. I hear Andres is on the show and I am psyched because that dude is HILARIOUS. Hit me up for a ticket discount or just buy direct and support #denver #comedy eventbrite.com/e/403552916637

Soda water is short for so da water got bubbles in it

This lunch would be hella expensive today

When companies make record profits but don’t pay workers a livable wage

When you come back from your day off and corporate had a party in the break room instead of giving out raises

Tired of correcting people saying I have a pasta kink, the term is fetish-ini Alfredo

When the heckler gets more laughs during your set at the open mic

Yeah, I catch and release miller moths. If I catch one in my room, I release a can of whoop ass on ‘em.

Me if the ironic Taylor Swift fan to legit Taylor Swift fan pipeline was illegal

The new Pope is from Chicago. Apparently he’s already making some changes. Communion crackers will now come dipped in au jus and communion wine has been switched to Malort.