I’m sorry officer, I crashed into that car because it has a Devon bumper sticker and I flew into an uncontrollable scone based fury

Happy Easter, personally I have laid my eggs in a shallow pond far from natural predators and guard them with my life so that my brood may flourish

I am a trans ally, I love Optimus prime

#NewProfilePic

I can’t believe the original term of ‘may the fourth be with you’ came from not only the Conservative Party but the election results of Margaret Thatcher

Have we really considered all the options? Can we not turn Buckingham palace into a big fuck off Toby carvery?

I use this image to intimidate my house mates into taking the bins out

Sparrows using my labradors fur to furnish their nests

I have replaced casual Fridays with time theft Thursdays where I don’t actually do any work on company time

#NewProfilePic

*holding a pistol to a man’s head* ‘Any last worms?’

How about instead of using tax money for ‘infrastructure’ and ‘public health’, we funnel all available assets into shooting thatchers body into the sun?

ヨコバイ天国

I can’t believe I have to keep thinking about what I’m going to eat for the rest of my life

this country is a fucking shithole but i am so fiercely patriotic about our plugs man. greatest in the world

Forever thinking about how the first thing Lando did after escaping from Cloud City was put on Han Solo’s clothes for some reason.

Job search getting desperate now. I've got a masters degree and I've just applied to be a tiktok content creator for a jam company

'whats your plans for Halloween?' Me: