not being able to understand a movie written by Aaron Sorkin is like needing sparknotes for Goodnight Moon

aaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaa

Make Trump work at a Denny’s when all the theatre kids are going there after the premiere of their high school’s Frozen Jr just finished

Acting suspicious bc ppl want drugs at the doctor is so annoying to me. Like yes this is where you are sposd to get them. I also seek dental care at the dentist. I seek my Doritos at the grocery store. This is the PROPER PROTOCOL DA FUCK

“talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend” ummm why would i do that? my friends are all perfect beautiful angels & i am god’s least favorite slug

Laurie 😔

Ok. So. Our Halloween costumes were generally uninspired this year, EXCEPT that my one son decided to be House MD so he could use his cane while trick or treating. And then it was over 80°F on Halloween, thanks climate change, so he improvised: "Summer House"

Me liking every video of Jason Kelce smashing that loser’s phone

yeah, I need her to release this immediately it’s been over a year with only one new Chappell song and this is lesbian Shania Twain stomp clap fiddle excellence.

Tuesday schedule 8:30 soy latte at local drag brunch 9:00 vote for Kamala 20 times 11:30 get abortion 1:00 vote for Kamala another 50 times 6:00 vegan dinner with interracial gay polycule at comet ping pong 9:00 another abortion

The whole world hates this thing.

I mean, squirrels are cute and biting cops is just good praxis, but why is this such a THING. Maybe rank amateurs shouldn't try to domesticate wild animals and then get mad when they get treated like wild animals in the interest of public safety.

GIVE MONEY TO ABORTION FUNDS NOWWWWWWWWW

everybody go vote except the Philadelphia Phillies lineup

I love that there are so many options for voting in my state but since I could vote in person on Election Day I did.

Rage donate to a local abortion fund Stress donate to a local abortion fund Grief donate to a local abortion fund

Not that I was ever particularly cool or popular but I cannot do Twitter anymore, planning on being as boring over on the blue sky bsky.app/profile/j-mike…