It's a good thing we named most of the dinosaurs like a hundred years ago when all we were into was mythology and speaking Latin, if they just learned about dinosaurs now and had to name 100s there'd be a Heckin Chonkosaurus and a Northern Thicc Scaleyboy

This tweet was written by a seagull.

I had a spider on me today, so I'm just going to go to bed and try again tomorrow.

You’re unhappy bc you’re not playing outside enough. Get some grass cuttings stuck on your knees. Lift up a rock. Look at some bugs. Lay down on a blanket under a tree and stare up at the sky through the branches. Run through a sprinkler a few times. Have a popsicle on a bench

Met with a friend again last night to discuss "Untitled Animation Project" ™️ It feels great to be doing some production again! #Syracuse #NewhouseSchool #PriusMafiaAtPanera? #WhatAreTheyUpTo #WillUpdateAsSituationDevelops

I have a creepy story in this collection of new Scottish fiction! Tantallon Tìr tantallontir.com/product/274-mi…

Cookbook but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it

I like my sunscreen bottle to be a little bit sandy from the summer before.

"I only eat the vowels in my alphabet soup." "Why?" "Sometimes."

Cassette tapes are the true playlists. You had to actually sit down and listen to every song as you recorded them. That is the essence of the playlist.

At goat yoga, there's no guarantee a goat will pick you for a partner. Yoga goats have free will.

I just found out that my favorite teacher of all time (who passed away years ago) had published a book. There are a handful of used copies available. Most are in good condition, but one is apparently full of notes and highlights. Which should I get?

"Distinctive" is one of those PR words corporate uses when there's been a dandy screwup.

This celery traveled all the way from California to end up in the trash. It makes you think.

Nice bag of baby carrots you got there. Be a shame if more than half of them were deformed or mutated looking.

If I were a hamburger, ha. But then again, no. Or a helper, who makes hamburgers in a hamburger show.

this headline hums with ancient autumnal dread

On any superhero team, the least important hero wears a green costume. No one chooses green, green is what you’re left with after all the other colors are taken.

When I was a kid, the only Davy Jones I knew of was the one from The Monkees. Gotta admit, pirate lore had me so confused for a really long time.

Someone in this house drank all the ginger ale I was saving to record burps today.