Can we just talk about how diet Dr. Pepper hasn’t been available for awhile now.

i be like “nah my parents didn’t pass on any weird habits to me” then show up to the airport 5 hrs early

Woke up poor and working class again. This is bullshit.

Punch me in the face and get this day over with already

“I’ll just have a handful of pistachios” is code for “lemme just eat this 2 kilo bag of pistachios real quick”

"You know who else briefly went offline?" -Youth pastor

This Facebook outage is slowing down a lot of vaccine research.

facebook is down so i am having to improvise

waiting for an apology from Facebook about why it's back online again, disappointing

My boss told me I’m earning my angel wings today… Just what I wanted. Way better than a paycheck.

You expect me to keep working? In a never ending pandemic?

It’s been two years. Announcing you don’t know how to use teams software during a meeting over teams is no longer allowed. TWO YEARS. You’ve been warned, Karens.

Stop hurting the Joes on the bachelor/bachelorette. Justice for the Joes.

When someone suggests we have a team lunch

There are two types of house clean. 1. Regular clean 2. Company is coming clean

I got 99 problems and they’re all first world.

It’s Saturday so you know what that means. Nothing. Your kids will still be up at the ass crack of dawn.

Men should be lucky women want equality and not revenge.

No one told me I would own this many sweatpants as an adult.