My father, a man, is complaining to me that his pants pockets aren't big enough to hold his phone. The audacity.

Person : You're very quiet, is everything okay? My brain : How come Luke and Anakin each lost a hand in battle, and Qui-Gon, in spite of his name, didn't

Modigliani walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long faces?"

Remains the greatest contribution to the toxicology literature *of all time*.

Soooo does the ghost of I. M. Pei introduce himself by saying I. M. Pei

Heartbreaking : one of the worst companies you know came up with an actually decent TV commercial

Best thread of 2023

James Bond to bartender akka : youtu.be/bokSLKeWVyE?fe…

They've achieved 30% of ais kacang, keep going friends

You want me to self check out? The thing that killed Narcissus?

Yes but first of all have you tried changing her name from Haru to Jeetu

Freddie: “Mama…” Everyone else:

Had to compile a list of academic references. One paper was authored by someone named Shi and another by someone named Bangs, but I am only allowed to list them in alphabetical order. Ricky Martin and I are very upset by this and request privacy during this difficult time, tvym

Piranesi is being made into a film by the folks who did Coraline, Susanna Clarke has a new novella coming out in October, set in the world of Strange & Norrell ... it's been a fantastic week for fans of the world's best living author.

Teach me your ways, oh great one

Y'ALL DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THIS HURTS ME