Just sent a direct message on the new strava messenger Bollox to Sarah Gallagher !! I send her happy Xmas next time saves me buying a card 🎄

Excuse me Sam I much prefer the term “SEX PEST”

I won the gallop on the chainy world champs on a random Tuesday 🌈 🏆 Sadly you weren’t there to film it so you need take my word for it (it was raining and windy and only 5 out 😂)

Post turbo refreshment today was Southern Comfort 🥃 and not one was fuck given 🎄

I hope Santas sack was full to bursting for you with bike bits 😜 enjoy your day I’ve a food coma inbound so stuff your face and let the cyclocross riders count the calories coz you don’t have too 🎄 🎅🏻

I’m selling a winter bike on eBay states “will not post” so naturally a fella asks 100 stupid questions then follows up with Can You Post It ? I have no hope for humanity #cockwomble

Yessss living for the weekend 🙌 but in reality that means “freezing my bits off on a bike and going bed 30 mins later than a school night” I’m so RnR it’s painful

I got the Discovery channel to watch all things cycling related which is great but in reality I end up watching all the paranormal shit before bed and end up sleeping with one eye open 👻 (what was that fucking noise 🛌👻🙄)

Pretty much day 1 of the 2024 season !! Had G fell off yet ?

Trying figure out if I’m bored enough to watch a TT in the UAE 💤 “AND OUR SURVEY SAYS !!!!” 😴

Well Strava weekly snapshot can fuck right off !! That’s it that’s the tweet

Alexander Kristoff rides his rollers for 7hrs and he’s a hero !! I go the pub for 7hrs and I’m an inconsiderate wanker !!! What gives 🤷

Right let’s fucking Ave it 25+ years of cycling and it’s still my XMAS bike day Happy Roubaix Day people 🇧🇪

I remember the days you could sprint onto the back of a tractor and draft for as long as you wanted just praying there was at least 1 working brake light. Not now Jesus wept they are loads quicker and I’m 20yrs slower that’s fucking depressing. Kids these days will never know 🚜

Thinking todays TT gold will be more based on bike handling skills in biblical rain more than power & speed which could be a shame ☔️

Sets off for a ride and felt shit 1st 10miles so I got annoyed with myself and put an extra 10mile hilly loop on to just punish myself for being shit. Please tell me it’s not just me that does this or are we all unhinged 🚲

Going Mallorca but to NOT ride a bike so I’ll be one of those tourist thingys how the fuck does this work ? Assume I just add San Miguel over & over can’t be that hard can it ? ☀️ 🍺