Raymond FUCKING Frobisher! I've near bankrupted BAZAKE to get him on board and he has yet to do a WRY SIDEWAYS LOOK at the sacking of Angela Rayner 🤬

So, the nation's cool big sister has fallen. She smoked, she raved, she wore stupid shoes, and she spoke for US. She said, "No, change is bad. I want things to stay exactly the same. If anything, I want things to get slightly worse, so we can appreciate the good things." 😢

Tatty-bye frog eyes. You are toast. You are now an irrelevance and will never be seen again 💪

Prof Kelvin Knox Change UK crikey Kelvin. Looking jacked

🚨 | EXCLUSIVE: Charlie Kirk has been visited in hospital by close friend, the former Japanese prime minister Shinzo Abe, who told reporters that the American political activist is recovering well and looking forward to getting back to work as soon as possible.

When I saw the sickening footage of Charlie Kirk's neck exploding, I only had one thought: what about me? How does this affect me? Am *I* a target? Me.

🚨 | CARTOON: You kept asking for him, and you've got him! It's the triumphant return of...BEAUMONT!

Yes, he's not dead. Yes, we had a funeral for him. I just hope he's enjoying the big champagne supernova in the sky 😞

And how is this supposed to stop Brexit? Utter nincompoop.

Myself and Oliver Laughdugry spent a princely sum sending Rob to Rock 'n' Rehab in Kidderminster. It looks like he's ready for his Wembley comeback 🤘

We live in an intellectual golden age 😍

A palace source tells me that Prince Charles' boyfriend was the one pushing for Prince Andrew to lose his titles.

This is a message to all poppy sellers who trespass on campus: YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE! If you, or any other charity beggers invade our campus, you'll be getting a visit from Graeme and Wiktor, our not-so-friendly campus safety officers 💪

The quiet. It's nice, is it not?

Just out of the medal spots is perfectly placed for a sprint finish. #ReasonsToBeKeirful

Would love to organise a community futsal tournament so the protesters outside Villa Park could settle their differences. No judgement no prejudice just the neutrality of sport settling it once and for all. The Jews, the neo-nazis and the filthy commies going mano o mano. #futsal

Look at my beautiful poppy. The comments I'm getting from the general public are wonderful. We shall remember them ALL.

A fantastic gesture. A great man.