“ Initiate Operation Circumcision”

It’s your first day working for Hezbollah after your breakup, and she offers you a great deal on 1200 pagers...

Again, they really should have thought twice before buying pagers in bulk from the Definitely Not Mossad Bulk Pagers Company, LLC

What does your friend do for a living Ali Mughniyeh, just out of interest? Just a normal guy with his normal pager in 2024.

New post on the Substack, contains a hula-hoop tutorial from the hula hoop talent show kid. Link in bio!

Man, Hezbollah thought they were so smart when they got that great deal on pagers from Is Real Communications.

Full hula hoop tutorial here:

Well now *that’s* really embarrassing

I'm sorry to disappoint, but the deal is now DEAD!

Interesting thread on GA abortion death

Ah, yes, the…*definitely not Mossad*…Acme Taiwan Pager Manufacturing Company, LLC…may not, in fact, be a real company and has disappeared off the face of the earth, you say?

The hardest thing for terrorist apologists is that terrorists really like to give themselves big funerals.

So I need a modest gown for the same event where my kids need formal wear 😂 I have one but it gives me uncomfortable Midsommar vibes. Any ideas where I can get a fairly modest gown that won’t break the bank (already scouring ThredUp, don’t worry)

I am in this tweet and I don’t like it

Technically, they can run the ice cream machine but they can’t clean the ice cream machine

Helping Iran is a core foreign policy priority of the Democratic Party -- even more important than protecting freedom of navigation in major international shipping lanes. Iran's interests take priority for Democrats.

Everyone tells you about the piles of toys but no one says anything about the books and I feel like I’m living in a library no one’s shelved in years 😂