Little girl at church: "the two highlighters of my baptism was that the water was cold and we had donuts afterward." 😂😂😂

Husband: This hits me on a spiritual level. x.com/Nick_Offerman/…

Husband this weekend: the only match to Birdy's voice is a cello. She's a cello.

I'm at the point in the semester when I just had to promise my husband that I wasn't going to cry while doing my homework tonight. #byu

Nothing makes me want to curse like Rainbow Road.

Husband: I think I have a zit. Can you rifle through my mustache and find it?

I can not be the only human being that absolutely hates the new Hulu app for Apple TV. It's incredibly unintuitive and overly sensitive.

Hey, Provo City! What do you call a Provo resident? (Not the start of a joke, genuinely asking for my job.) Provonian? Provoer? HELP!

Me to husband: I’ve been way more obsessed with Twitter lately than usual. Husband: thanks, @chrissyteigen. I blame the airplane incident. And the pregnancy tweets that I currently relate to on a spiritual level.

This except not this great because I can’t lay on my stomach right now because #pregnant x.com/depresseddarth…

Literally me but with my baby x.com/femalepains/st…

Little Caesars is a good metaphor for sin. At the time it seems like a good idea, but afterwards you’re thinking, “What did I just do? I will never do that again.” Then before you know it you’re all Hot N Ready again.

This is the gospel truth. Amen and amen. 🙌🏼🙏🏻🙌🏼 x.com/chrissyteigen/…

I guess I’m even more basic than I thought I was... x.com/byu/status/979…

This is a masterpiece. x.com/mormonger/stat…

How to watch a movie in 2018 Step 1: open netflix Step 2: click through 500 films Step 3: select tv series Step 4: pick episode you’ve seen Step 5: look at phone for 45 mins

It’s 2038. You go visit your kid at BYU. Ranked the most “Stone Cold Sober” school in America for 41 years straight. BYU sports are still content with being average. Parking is still terrible. The term NCMO is considered an urban myth. 700 N is still under construction. x.com/barstoolmsu/st…

Today may have been the first time I’ve ever sung “Love at Home” nonironically at church and not at screaming siblings.

I could really go for a Princess Diaries level makeover right about now. Plz send Paolo ASAP.