I no longer have to shield my eyes in the dark. You taught me not to be afraid of the things I cannot change.

I was told I don’t have an addictive personality. I can sip on whiskey and stop after only one cigarette, but here I am addicted to a person. You.

He asked me why I always sit slouched over. I shrugged my shoulders and blamed it on the way my spine curves. It took me years of losing contact with him to realize that I was sitting straighter, sitting with more confidence. I was no longer subconsciously making myself small.

Perhaps my biggest flaw is how I simply put band-aids over my wounds to hide them instead of actually trying to heal them.

1.7.19 I’m finally dedicated to my own recovery. I want to see myself flourish.

1.10.19 somewhere different

Why did I ever believe I was good enough for you? I’m not even good enough for myself.

Let’s be lonely together.

I just won’t tell her. I’ll spare her the pain.

1.18.19 silence

“I myself am hell.”

My legs fall asleep so easily. Why can’t my mind?

When ache isn't deep enough of a word

“Can you medicate a broken heart?”

I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I’m sorry

I took her for granted.

There’s nothing beautiful or poetic about the way I spend my nights sobbing because she isn’t here to hold me anymore.

2.5.19 I’m lost in the fog. I’m searching for you. I’m hopeless.

It’s been years and you’re still a taboo topic in my house.

i don’t know if i should keep this account or not :/