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every morning when vyvanse kicks in I have a 45 min window in which I’m capable of texting back, answering emails and generally being a functional person. if u miss me in that window, sooo sorry try again tmw babe

YES I filed my TAXES because I’m a responsible ADULT and an ARTIST and that’s exactly WHY I filed my TAXES by which i MEAN is I filed an EXTENSION. again

Had to tell the cashier my birth year was '83, so why was her response "NINETEEN eighty-three?"

Men really took the most tender, sensitive part of their body (balls) and made it synonymous with toughness and strength. adorbs

new ADHD level just dropped: my 6 year old returned my iPad & said “thanks mom….i organized your Home Screen for you”

why is it always "your car is disgusting" and never "I just love how you don't litter"

YOU CAN PUT SPACES IN FILE NAMES???????!!!?!

happy April 25 to all who celebrate

Oops I did it again (went to the bathroom, thought I was dying then remembered I ate beets)

“sounds good!” - me replying to an email that couldn’t possibly sound less good

“eeee yay I love this song!!!!” -me listening to my own playlist

PSA: “hi, ladies!” as a professional email greeting is antiquated & NEEDS TO GO. Here are some modern, gender neutral alternatives: 1. hi geniuses! 2. gm lights of my life! 3. wassup sluts

corporate america is INSANE. genuinely just thought “i think my nails are holding me back” & the craziest part is im probably right

“he’ll yes” is an insane thing for my iPhone to keep thinking I wanna say

answer’s simple. I don’t wanna

wfh employees when they need to come to the office

something embarrassing about being a Mom working in social media is how many stupid memes I need to scroll past when someone asks to see a picture of my kids

“but you have no reason to be anxious” bold of u to assume i need a reason