we’re talking about the enneagram and ellie keeps saying “it hurts to be seen”

Is there an emoji for, "I saw your text but didn't know how to perfectly respond to it so I waited until I knew exactly what to say but it's been three weeks so now I just feel microbursts of shame every time I see your name in the elephant graveyard of messages on my phone?"

This is still true.

. sarah We used to be hilarious on Twitter.

"I fertilized this morning, and it's probably going to all wash down the Arkansas River." - Travis Meyer

What's a word you can never spell on the first try? rhtym rythm RHYTHM

Me by myself in my apartment, to my dog: “We’re going to go for a W-A-L-K soon, FYI.”

It feels like my civic duty to be suspicious of people who are constantly talking on the phone. Who are you calling? How long have you been on the phone? It’s 2020 !!!!

*big stretch* *hears bones cracking* me: "crunchy."

@ everyone on Mingo around 7:00pm tonight: you saw me struggle to lift my 50lb puppy because she wasn't budging on our walk and I'm going to need you to forget you saw anything

Jesus leaves the ninety-nine for the one. Never underestimate the power of loving even just one person well.

After going cross-eyed looking for chairs to go in my new living room, I've decided that I'm just going to cover the entire floor in bean bags.

It’s things like watching people check cartons for cracked eggs in the grocery store that make me realize we’re all connected, even in the smallest of ways.

It's the "at the beginning of quarantine, I bought a 10lb bag of chicken leg quarters to put in my freezer because I was convinced that there would be no food left in grocery stores" for me

Hoping this reaches its target audience: tfw when you are driving around with an expired tag and you see other people with expired tags and it makes you feel better about yourself.