Because I watched a Donald J. Trump speech, my DVR suggested that I might be interested in watching the Trailer Park Boys.

Bc I watched a Donald J. Trump speech DVR suggested I might want to watch Punk'd. I hope this is a giant, nostalgic Punk'd episode.

Chick at an all-can-eat buffet in a shir thst shows her belly. Wut? #vegas

Omg, I love Tony Hinchcliffe #oneshot

KEN BONE A star is Bone #KennethBone

I only like to date this time of year because #ghosting makes me seem festive and not douchey.

Bro driving uber jumped out of his car with a baseball bat tumbling out as if @AshleeFlint and I are supposed to not be scared to get in.

My mom said I need to get bangs because I have a wide forehead. Let me add wide forehead to my already lengthy list of insecurities. ✅ 💯

Just had to explain to a bartender what a nitro beer is. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: A TRUMP PRESIDENCY #trump

Is there protein in beer?

Real Cosmopolitan magazine article title: Have sexier sex. Brb, gotta subscribe.

My favorite gift to give for a baby shower is a liquor store gift card as a light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel reward. Heros don't wear capes

Let's just be honest. Cake without frosting is just sweet bread.

All cats are girls and all dogs are boys. #Science

Hey Taylor Swift, how many days until #Christmas?

Enjoying another evening with G. Love at First Avenue Here is a throwback photo from right after I coerced him into kissing my cheek. 😍 😍

"Girls Rule; Boys Drool," went thru puberty and became #feminism.

I didn't know Dean Cain was cast as Gaston in #BeautyAndTheBeast 😍 😍 😍

Hanging out with John Mayer tonight. Can I come say hi or nah?