Me: this book was a present from Grandma and Papa. 2yo: Grandma is your mom. Me: that’s right, she’s my mom! And what about Papa? 2yo: …Dada’s mom?

Our family just watched Finding Nemo over three evenings. 2yos clamored to watch more each night. Finally we finished it. Me: so, what did you guys think? 2yo (slowly): so… fish do not usually talk.

Me: why did you pull Mae’s hair? 3yo: I was really angry. She said I couldn’t play the game. Me: okay, but what’s something you can do if you’re angry, that’s not pulling hair? 3yo: um … hitting.

5yo: there are three things you should never say: “stupid”, “cut it out”, and “listen up”. Me: … are you sure you don’t mean “shut up”? 5yo: oh right, “shut up”. But “listen up” is just as bad.

Grandma: you can play in the waves once you learn to swim. 5yo: I know how to swim [this is false], but I can’t swim very far… only 3 miles. Then I get tired and sink. And I haven’t learned how to breathe underwater yet. Grandma: nobody can breathe underwater! 5yo: Zoey can.

3yo, swinging arm in a circle: this is a fan! I’m blowing cold air on you. Me: brrr, it’s so cold! 3yo: I’m pretending. … 3yo: It’s really my arm.

3yo (looking at a broken crayon): this is the difference between ‘break’ and ‘broke’: when something is breaking, it breaks. But when something is broking, it broke. And it’s sad.

5yo: Mom! I have a problem! Me: What’s the problem? 5yo: It’s March, right? Me: yes 5yo: March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October. October is coming up and I don’t know what to be for Halloween!

(Getting into the car) 3yo: can I drive? Me: sorry! You’re a kid. But you’ll be allowed to drive once you’re a grownup. 3yo, worried: …which grownup will I be?

Caught our cat reading Dog Man. Should I be worried?

5yo: when can we get a dog? Me: we’d like to get a dog! Right now we have too many creatures. 3yo: what creatures? Me: We have two cats and three small children. 3yo: we are not CREATURES, we are people! Me: oh, right. 3yo: were you joking? Me: … yes.

3yo: what’s the thing that keeps us on the floor? Me: what? …instead of floating up into the air? 3yo: yes Me: gravity? 3yo: yes! Gravity. We learned about gravity in school. Me: oh neat, what did you learn about it? 3yo: it keeps us on the floor. But it doesn’t work on birds.

[family eating sliced plum] Me: want a piece? 3yo: yuck! Me: really? It’s a good one! 3yo: I don’t want your slimy peach.

3yo: I am a baby lava horse. [shoots lava at 5yo] 5yo: i am a fairy who is invulnerable to lava. 3yo: I’m invulnerable to lava too. 5yo: no you’re not, you live in lava. Me: wouldn’t she still be invulnerable in that case? 5yo: NO! Are you invulnerable to HOUSES?

5yo (out of the blue): did you know that every day, somebody pees in their pants? Me: …oh? how do you know? 5yo: because there are THOUSANDS of people in the world.

My dad’s book reviewed in Science Magazine!

Cannot recommend this book highly enough. It’s sci-fi by an author of literary fiction, beautifully written and impossible to put down.