I just got an email from a brand offering me a whole 20% off if I shared their product 3 times. This is a worse trade off than bringer shows.

Shows my 1 year old likes: Doggyland The Greatest Showman Brooklynn 99 And apparently… Madea 😆 Girl got taste

Um Tyler Perry … who in the grinch stole Christmas is this? 😆

Watching the Jake & Amy wedding episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and my 6 year old thought the person with the bomb threat and a voice changing filter was Captain Holt which further enforces his robotness 😆😆😆

“Hello Molly” Chapter 11 2:59 What every artist needs to hear

Peter gave me a shot opening for him at the Brea Improv years ago. I’m so honored he will be a part of my headlining show! ❤️🤘🏼 #orangecounty

Sorry can't talk right now. Getting paid to shop 😁 Seriously, 12 year old me would think I am the COOLEST 😆

Finished my 11:30pm late night show Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club at 1am and I’m low key impressed I remembered like 98% of my material because my brain already forgot what I was tweeting about 3 times in the middle of typing this tweet.

😆 best marketing strategy ever

Art

Is it hoarding? Or is it knowing that trends repeat themselves every 30 years and your stockpiling for a long term cashflow of vintage options?

Ryan is hilarious 👏🏼👏🏼 Can’t wait to watch!

Vacation hack: Don’t mow your lawn regularly. That way when you leave town for 10 days, no one will notice you’re gone.

Colleen Ballinger is why people think of online personalities as celebrities the same way people think of people with "Old money" vs "New Money.

Where’s MrBeast at though? I know he’s probably mad someone would use his name to prank an 8 year old with a disability People apple.news/AXC-QJHuiQa6xc…

I’m an avid sewer now threads.net/@elisabethwyke…

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day 😆😆😆

Ordered a pair of Good American jeans to try from the Nordstrom anniversary sale. They were perfect except for one thing…. 😣

Hello 2 people who see my tweets! I am hanging out on 🧵s only. So if you want to pop over there, I’d be happy to see you! I haven’t been a fan of the Twitter format since the hostile takeover, and I’ve enjoyed the IG replacement. Here’s a video so you know why I popped up 🤪