Been saying we’d love a dog about the house but our landlord doesn’t allow pets, so my housemate posted a letter to our neighbours asking if we could walk their dog every once and a while and the response was better than we could have ever hoped for

I never even knew he had passed away… 😬

Tbh, any time I see the Twitter bird 🐦, I feel hope for our society. I'd love if you left it there. Arby's

Was working on my Autoship on the Chewy app, and it says, "Say hi to Sophie for us 👋", so I shouted from the other end of the apartment, "Sophie, Chewy says, 'Hi!'" ✅️ Message delivered #CatsOfTwitter #AdoptDontShop #Chewy #ChewyPets #CatMom

Listening to JD Spradlin on RadioMargaritaville on our way back to DFW last week 🎶🍹(Jimmy clearly soothes Sophie's soul as much as he does mine. She was so chillin that trip!) #CatsOfTwitter #AdoptDontShop #SophieIsMySnoopy #RadioMargaritaville #Margarita #Parrothead #FelineParrothead

Hey Sam’s Club, why are you not hiring local people from our communities to assist members online? This is very disturbing and contradictory of what you have always projected your company goals and "community involvement" to be. Very disappointing. #HireFromHome #AmericanJobs

like i guess ill put on my dumb little shoes and a dumb little hat and go clomp around so my brain can be less worse

Btwn this, Utah's fluoride ban, the stock market, all car prices & inflation expected to increase noticeably/significantly, & everything leading up to this, I'm genuinely scared. Never imagined this happening this soon. Last Week Tonight, give me some hope nbcnews.com/health/health-…

BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered that cats are actually secretly controlling the internet! 🙀 They use their paws to type out all those funny memes and captivating videos. What do you think cats are plotting online? April Fools

I threw old kale in my backyard and now the squirrels are riding little Pelotons and requesting coconut water.

Pets can teach the human race so much about humanity. #NationalPetDay #NationalPetMonth #Pets

This four dogs have been taught to wait for their slower sibling, before starting their meal.

As a kid I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

🚨NEW: Chelsea Clinton slams Trump for demolishing the East Wing of the White House: “What was dismantled today isn’t just marble or plaster; it is a reflection of how easily history can be erased when power forgets purpose.” RETWEET if you stand with Chelsea Clinton!

‘Vacant’ means open or free. ‘Vacation’ means freedom from work. Ok, time for a break.

“I did not kill the president. The doctors did that. I merely shot him.” —Charles J. Guiteau, charged with the death of President James A. Garfield, 1882 Let’s get into it. 🧵⬇️

‘Goodbye’ is an alteration of “God be with you.”

Your uber is here.