Me at the movie theatre when someone needs to step over my legs.

Tell the chef I said yummers

have the maple leafs considered laying it on the line?

Every time I pass this billboard I laugh cause someone with a gambling problem is gonna take 80-20 odds all day lmao

Happy Father's Day

THE WHOLE WORLD RN

So it turns out time makes you bolder, even children get older, & I’m getting older too

I do not laugh at the plight of "Scrat" from the Ice Age films. His terror moves me to tears.

i’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “omgggg congrats sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone i haven’t spoken to in 5 years

and now he gets to go home to hailee steinfeld. i’m sick to my stomach

i miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur

jesus christ we used to have rom coms

Just put a potato in the oven so I can have a potato in an hour or so. And you’d be wise to do the same

“$5 smash burger”

“You can’t have 20 beers a day. That doesn’t mean there aren’t 20 beer days.” - my dad