Happy new month! 🌸 May your landlord forget your debt, your fuel tank stay full, your salary actually land, and your electricity behave. March is here, let’s survive, thrive, and maybe even smile a little 😌💥. We move.

BRICS News Tension in the Gulf? Relax. Nigeria’s intelligence and defense system has it covered. Step 1: Refresh Twitter. Step 2: Ask your neighbor. Step 3: Pray. Step 4: Hope nobody notices we’ve been improvising since independence. 🇳🇬💀 Mtchew

Uncle Ruckus Nigeria’s defense system is fully prepared. By “fully prepared,” I mean. We have Google and WhatsApp.😌 What do we need light for crying 😭

Casemiro Manchester United Casemiro 3 points or nothing. ggmu Manchester United

NEFERTITI Meanwhile in our country, we can’t decide if NEPA is on a permanent holiday, or if the power company is just on silent protest against us.

chriscxxss No worries. Nigeria’s intelligence and defense system has been on top of things, since last century. Everything under control. Definitely. 😭 Haha 😂

Mainoo cannot be the future of our midfield surely. Guy is average at best

Guys my team is unbeaten 2026! GGMU

Harmless US: CIA. Israel: MOSSAD. Nigeria: WiFi, Jollof, AC. Our intelligence agency specializes in detecting who’s streaming on the WiFi, who touched the last plate of jollof, and who left the AC on overnight. National motto: “Energy must be conserved. Rice must be respected.” 🇳🇬😭

If you're proud of your father retweet this

America: We don’t negotiate with terrorists. Donald Trump: No mercy for terrorists. Benjamin Netanyahu: We will destroy the enemy above ground & below ground. The NSA: Some terrorists want peace. They are your brothers & sisters. Nigerian Army: We will rehabilitate them. 😭

Imagine if the NSA were an Igbo person, and he came out and referred to IPOB as his “brothers.” This place wouldn’t have contained us all.

“When people tell you who they are, believe them” Sultan of Sokoto - Terrorists are our freedom fighters Ribadu - Terrorists are our brothers Gumi - Terrorists are our children Nigerians, believe them