Dylan Jenkins (@dylanjenkins89) 's Twitter Profile
Dylan Jenkins

@dylanjenkins89

Stand Up Comic/Bass Player/Provider of Netflix to 3-5 people at any given time.

ID: 1228863120

calendar_today01-03-2013 02:54:17

558 Tweet

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Dylan Jenkins (@dylanjenkins89) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Me at 23: When I get home from work I’m going to get fucked up. Me at 33: When I get home from work I’m going to put a lacrosse ball behind my right shoulder blade and lean on it for ten minutes while remembering to breathe deeply.

Dylan Jenkins (@dylanjenkins89) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Elvis might be the worst movie I have ever seen. I went to get out of the heat but I think standing in a 103 degree parking lot would have been more enjoyable.

Dylan Jenkins (@dylanjenkins89) 's Twitter Profile Photo

There’s a dude in front of me at 7 Eleven buying scratch off lottery tickets with an iguana on his shoulder. Out here living his best life.

Dylan Jenkins (@dylanjenkins89) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I’d like to think that Matt Foley eventually upgraded to a sprinter van, started a successful YouTube channel and is now happily living by whatever river he wants.

Dylan Jenkins (@dylanjenkins89) 's Twitter Profile Photo

In August of 1997 I saw Coolio at Z100’s Last Chance Summer Dance. He opened AND closed his set with Gangster’s Paradise. It was the best shit I had seen in my 8 years of life.

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Pro tip for selecting a perfectly ripe Passion fruit, hold it up to your ear, if you don’t hear flamenco guitar it ain’t ready yet.

Dylan Jenkins (@dylanjenkins89) 's Twitter Profile Photo

The first time I did stand up was at a work party. I opened with how happy I would be if a certain regular customer died a painful death. It killed and I was instantly addicted. He just passed. Bill, you racist, piss smelling, slow walking fuck thank you for that first laugh.

Dylan Jenkins (@dylanjenkins89) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I’m seeing a movie in a theater with my parents for the first time since Covid. We are here 40 minutes early and my mom is telling me about a Netflix show about remodeling kitchens. Five Stars.

Dylan Jenkins (@dylanjenkins89) 's Twitter Profile Photo

A school bus filled with middle schoolers pulled up in front of me and the two kids in the back seat gave me the finger. Two kids not on their phones living in the moment, you love to see it.