You ever wake up in a kick ass kind of mood? #MondayMotivation

I wish people put as much effort into celebrating April Fools day as they do pie day. #π #pranks

Please retweet if you agree with me that this is not “sport”... a sleeping lion...despicable...

Good Morning, Have A Great Day!

I’d love to have a word with the parents of the boys who just sat there and watched.

There’s so much pollen in the air it’s disgusting #nasty

You people have a back windshield don’t you. Use the shit before you backup. Oh and your side view mirrors, they’re not just for decoration, they’re for switching lanes #TodaysThoughts

I like facts, opinions are irrelevant to objective reality.

The human race has put men on the moon, genetically engineered crops to grow perfect, and found cures for the most rare and deadly diseases, but I still cant get a pill for the common cold? #dafuck

Jon Stewart concludes his statement, urging Congress for more funding for the Sept. 11th Victim Compensation Fund, to a standing ovation. "They responded [to 9/11 attacks] in 5 seconds. They did their jobs, with courage, grace, tenacity, humility ... 18 years later, do yours!"

Crab cakes are disgusting

3 years ago today, 4 Dallas Police Dept officers and 1 DART officer were shot & killed at the end of a protest. We will #neverforget the service & sacrifice of those brave heroes. #Dallasshooting

Mob rule is a dangerous moral compass

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, leaves the world blind and hungry

When you want to help people, you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.

When people don’t like my first idea on how to solve a problem that they created...

If you don’t believe in free speech for people who you disagree with, and even hate for what they stand for, then you don’t believe in free speech.

News Conference at 9:30. Great Jobs Numbers!

5 years ago, fans chanted “USA” after learnin’ about the death of Osama Bin Laden. Merica. x.com/30SecMLB/statu…